he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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