Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
