i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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