You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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