You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
