He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
