i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
