i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
