I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize