i don't like sucking hair
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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