Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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