Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
