woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
