I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want nice things and good sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
