Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize