How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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