All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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