I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
