so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
