i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
