Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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