I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
