Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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