no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
