You're my little dorito
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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