dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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