she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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