it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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