I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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