Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
