I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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