you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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