my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
