This girl is more easily done than said...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize