It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
