Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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