I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it glows. i had to have it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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