After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
