i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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