i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize