If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
