I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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