He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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