Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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