I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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