We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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