I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize