i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
