I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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