Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
