I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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