Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
