When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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