he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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