I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Holy shit dude........stairs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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