so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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