o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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