you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
