Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
