Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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