It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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