People in love make me want to vomit
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
