you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
