How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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