After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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