just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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