one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
