And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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