woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize