I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
